How To Overcome Shyness?
How To Overcome Shyness?
How do you talk in front of hundreds of people? How to look confident? How come you are not shy? Reality is being shy is tough, you end up crumbling in your own negative thoughts and dwelling on these thoughts for so long that when you are ready to out and talk to people and not to be shy anymore, you are already home. You are thinking about what you could have said or should have said, 2-3 hours ago when you are out with friends and you hate that feeling. So, it’s time for you to break free, break out of your shell.
Today I am going to give you all the tools that you need to overcome shyness, in any situation:
1) Stop Thinking About How Shy You Are
The more you think about it, the more you get in your head. You have to stop thinking shy right now because the truth is you are not permanently shy, it’s something you can change. You are not the shy guy; you are just shy in certain occasions and that can easily be changed. So, stop overthinking, whether you are out on a date or out with your friends, you are just too busy thinking, ‘man I am shy what am I going to say’, then your head is going to be filled with negative thoughts. It is exactly the opposite to what you need, you need a clear line of thought so you can think about you are going to say, instead of what your fears are.
2) Make Sure That You Notice When You Start Feeling Shy
Is it only when you talk to a girl for example, does it happen in person and on the phone? These things matter because once you know what causes it, you can be ready for it. If it’s with girls, then you can give yourself a pep talk right before you start talking to them or while you are talking to girls. Think to yourself, ‘hi this is when I usually get shy and usually when I stop talking so this time, I am doing the opposite, I am doing it right because I know I can do this’, and then stop thinking about this. This pep talk should be quick, I am this and that that, let’s go and then you are immediately going straight into the next tip.
3) Smile and Talk as Much as Possible
Say anything. When you are not talking, you are in your head. You are thinking too much so to break the ice, be fast, don’t let dead air fill the conversation. Give the compliments, whether is a girl you are talking to or its your boss at work, everyone loves the compliment and it’s going to ease the conversation. It makes them feel good, just make sure you are being honest. If you like your boss’s shoes or tie, just say that, you know if you think his new car is nice, use that to break the ice and same for the girl, talk about her eyes, outfit, make fun of her in a nice way. Make sure you are smiling when you are doing it. You are going to talk a lot more than you ever have, just open your mouth let it out, sometimes you are going to feel stupid for what is coming out of your mouth, but something is better than nothing.
Once you start talking and engaging with the other person, you will notice that you are actually not hard at all, you’ll get used to it. It all about practice.
4) Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
When you are out for dinner with a group of people for example, if you are shy you will never speak up, you will be listening, processing the information but you will keep your thoughts to yourself. That needs to be changed, so this is what you have to do when you feel shy in front of a group of people. First thing first, you are going to increase the sound of your voice, you are going a little bit louder that is because when you are a little bit shy, you tend to speak little soft. A lot of time, you don’t want people to hear your conversation, you are talking to that one person and that’s it. You don’t want the whole group to join in but that needs to change. Speak up a little bit louder so others will be able to join in your conversation.
Secondly, try to talk to people across, on the other side of the table that is great practice because once you will be comfortable to talk to a person across the table, while everyone else is listening, then you are going to feel like a completely different person. Get used to be outside your comfort zone and say goodbye to thinking that you are shy.
5) Think About What Are You Going to Say Before You Go Out
It does not mean to write about exactly what to talk about like a script, this is what I will say at dinner tonight with my friends, that’s not going to work. Think of a couple of jokes or think of what’s happening in the world, whether it’s about sports or something new into your community. Think of things that you can discuss and feel comfortable talking about subject. It’s just like school, you have to study the subject so you will feel comfortable in talking about it. Like a new iPhone is coming, check the news about it and bring it us to the group. You can talk about a new movie released last night or last week, bring it up, talk about its plot, let them know why you did like it or why you didn’t like it. Once you know about the topic, you are not going to be shy talking about it or bringing it up.
It will take a little bit of the practice but at the end of the day, you will go off from being shy and quite that you were to be out spoken, to be comfortable around people and comfortable in all those situations.
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